I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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