I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
