i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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