If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
