Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
