that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My penis needs a shock collar
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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