Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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