I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
