I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
