Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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