In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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