Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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