Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i think im in europe. pls send help
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
