after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
