i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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