Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
