I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
