your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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