do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
