Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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