the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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