i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This can only be settled by a dance off.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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