I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
