does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish you could order shots online.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
