My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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