I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We just shotgunned beers for America
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you never un-have a 4some
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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