ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I need moral support for this bender
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
