i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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