I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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