last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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