One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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