that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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