naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Terrible idea I love it
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
