R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
