I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
