he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
