Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
