then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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