I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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