covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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