if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
