I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
