So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
