it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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