I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
