i just wanna soil my oats bro
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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