i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
