Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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