Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
