boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
