It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
